Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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