he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
