Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
