dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The best revenge is premature balding
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
