My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
