Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
