In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
