Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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