Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
