I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's blow job season.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
