Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
