I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
