He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
