I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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