Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
