Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
