I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
