I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
