i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
