how can u be prego again
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
