last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
