If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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