my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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