I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
