dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
