I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
