She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
