I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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