he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
birth control should be required to get into college
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
