The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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