Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
