I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
