I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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