I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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