After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
