don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
