Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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