The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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