birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
