I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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