I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
