if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
