I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
