Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
FUCK WHALES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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