I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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