you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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