You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
