it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
