All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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