some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think my moral compass just broke
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