I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
