Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
