this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
