Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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