Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
