No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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